The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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