I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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