He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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