under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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