I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
