I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
