I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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