Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry my hands just texted you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
