just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
