when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
only if we run a train.
done.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
