2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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