it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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