I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
