Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
