The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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