Quick, to the slutcave!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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