pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
