We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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