Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
