So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
