So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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