He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
