Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
