I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
