i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
foreskin is a definite game changer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
