The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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