saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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