Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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