My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
