if i can run in heels then i can drive
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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