I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
