my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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