your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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