I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
