the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
