it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
