Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
