I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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