its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
