is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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