Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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