dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
