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I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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