Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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