Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
