I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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