Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
