i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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