I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
