1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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