She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
