she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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