i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
