Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
