he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
