I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
