first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well I just put wine in my tea
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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